1:20AM

For the past three weeks I’ve been going back and forward about how to title this post. I didn’t want anything cliché and repetitive, nor something obscure.

Then I thought, what was my reaction when this happened? Well… it was 1:20AM.

I met this guy back in 2012, in the Chapel of the Air Force Base we were both stationed. We went on one date, then I didn’t hear from him for two years. After he resurfaced, despite my initial reluctancy to talk to him, things were going great. A month later he confessed he still had feelings for his ex-girlfriend.

Needless to say, that broke my heart. I decided that him and I should not continue to spend time together. I asked him not to call me, because I did had feelings for him and I didn’t want to get my hopes up. He didn’t exactly respect that boundary, and his insistence made me think that he had feelings for me. That was not true. He was having me as a back up plan, in case his ex-girlfriend wouldn’t take him back.

It took some time and effort, but he leave me alone.

It has been years since I’ve heard from him, and as everyone that’s been hurt before, all I wanted was a sincere apology.

That brings me to three weeks ago.

I usually wake up a couple of times in the middle of the night. Some times I check my phone, sometimes I don’t. This particular night -I did.

To my surprise, I saw a Facebook messenger notification, with his name, and the first line of the message. My first reaction was “It’s 1:20AM, I am not dealing with this right now”. I shut the phone, put it under my pillow and turned around.

A lot more things went through my head in, perhaps, the 5 minutes I remained awake. The next thing that came to mind was “how dare he apologize and probably expect that everything will be fine?”; then I thought “Maria, how often do we want an apology from the person that hurt us vs how often we actually get it?”…

Although I was able to fall back asleep, I woke up again earlier than usual. That message and my last thought quickly came to mind. As a girl, I took a screenshot and sent it to my best friend. She knew the situation and was just as surprised as I was. She asked me if I was going to forgive him.

I said yes!

I remembered my last thought, which without a doubt was the Holy Spirit convicting me of my former thought. The experience I had with this guy left a mark in my life. Some of my baggage reside on what he did. I needed to let go but, as everyone knows, it’s not that easy when the person doesn’t apologize.

In the message, this guy admitted that Christ was working in his life and helping him realize where he was wrong. If I, as a Christian, denied him forgiveness I could have been a stumbling block in his growth.

So, for his sake and mine, I forgave him!

A huge weight lifted up from my shoulders. I felt, and still feel, free, redeemed, renewed.

I was honestly scared that this would be another one of his schemes to get my attention, but it was not up to me, if that was the case. God would have dealt with him. Fortunately, it was not. He thanked me for forgiving him, wished me the best and that was it. He has not attempted to talk to me since. This, to me, validates his genuine intentions to be forgiven for his wrong-doings.

How often do we want the person that hurt us to apologize? How often do we really get that apology? Are we really willing to forgive? Does it matter if it doesn’t come when it happened, but four years later at 1:20AM? What if it never comes at all?