What I learned about Turning Around

Today I went for a walk at my favorite trail.

During the walk I was reflecting on everything that is stressing me right now. For the first time, in a long time, I really don’t have much going on. But what is happening -it’s heavy.

I cried. I argue with God. I begged for His mercy.. His provision in certain areas.. I plead a case as to why I need certain things... 

I felt alone. I felt like my brother, Elijah, searching for God in the wind, the earthquake and in the fire (1 Kings 19).. and finding Him not. 

Half way through the walk I thought about turning around. But I didn’t. 

As I continued to walk, the sun began to set. I walked under the shadow of the trees while I was able to still see some sunshine a little ways in front of me. “I’ll walk to the spot where the sunshine is and I’ll turn” -I said. But by the time I made it to the area the sunshine was originally resting, it was gone.

I felt despair. “See God.. this is how I feel about my breakthrough. I can see it a little ways in front of me. So I keep chasing it and walking towards it. You say keep going, so I do. But when I get to where I saw it been, it’s gone.. It is always ways ahead and I never reach it”. 

I thought about giving up. But I didn’t. Tired. Freezing. Pained and discouraged.. I made it till the end of the trail. By that time the sunshine was setting on top of a hill.. ways from me, again. I stood there, at the end of the trail, thinking about going to the hill. I evaluated the route, the time and the efforts. I couldn’t afford to chase the sunshine anymore. 

I turned around.

And there it was.. not the sunshine but the sun itself. 

I’ve been described as a go-getter, driven, bold and passionate woman. I give up every night and pick things up the next morning like nothing happened. But, like I shared on my facebook not long ago, sometimes you have to wonder: 

       “how long can you chase a dream until it becomes a nightmare?”                            

(Anonymous author)

Turning around today showed me that when I chase "sunshines" I’m only going after a reflection of what I can have. Instead, I should turn around and go to the source.

I don't think is a coincidence the Bible calls us to turn around from our ways, in repentance, towards God (the source, light itself). 

Honestly, this resonates in some areas of my life more than others, yet the principle still applies. I have been chasing this dream that, sadly, has only caused me a lot of pain. Perhaps it is time for me to turn around. Perhaps it is time for me to stop chasing the sunshine and turn to the sun, God Himself. 

Sometimes, people, places and -habits, are sunshines and that makes it harder, but don’t underestimate turning around. It may be hard. It may break your heart. But what you will find next it’s going to be better than what you were after.