12 Things I Learned in My 20’s
My new roommate is in her early 20’s, and the other day we were talking and I was sharing some words of... experience.. with her, about life.
I’m not necessarily wise.. but well set in my 30’s I have finally comprehend the lessons learned in my 20’s. So, here are the 12 top things I learned in my 20's, whether by living through them myself or with friends/family.
1. Sending Nudes is stupid: Let's face it, we all either send or are asked to send nudes at some point in our 20's. But actually going with that flow is stupid. For the first 3 seconds the person will think you're hot, then they will think you have no self-respect, and.. if they're smart, they will also think you have no respect for them. It works the other way around too. If someone send you a nude, you will go through the same thinking process. Not to mention that if the person saves the pictures and they get mad at you, and are vindictive, they are capable of publishing them to humiliate you. Although that is childish, a person that asks for nudes, or is okay receiving them, should not be trusted either way.
2. Pre-marital sex is useless: I used to have co-workers that would give me a hard time because I didn't wanted to have sex before marriage. Their argument was that I would not know if I was sexually compatible with the guy. Well... I have actually made that mistake and it really doesn't help. You see, what makes sex great is not how many tricks you know in bed, but how much you love the person, and if you love them you will marry them. Pre-marital sex also causes soul-ties, you can read about it in 1 Corinthians. Even for those that are not Christians, having a sex with a person attaches your soul to theirs. The problem with this is that, since it is more than likely not going to work, when you find someone you want to build a healthy relationship with, you will have issues doing so.
3. Getting pregnant to keep a relationship doesn't work: In Genesis there is Leah. Leah was married to Jacob, by force -not will, and she had 5 kids. Each time she thought, "with this child my husband will love me" (Genesis 30)... well, sadly not once Jacob loved her. Having a kid to hold a man, or getting a woman pregnant so she stays with you, does NOT works. You will just have one more mouth to feed and one person to take care of besides yourself, but by-yourself. The other person WILL leave you whenever they want to. It does not mean they don't care for the child, though they may not, but if they do not want to be with you, they just won't.
4. There is no holy grail for a perfect relationship: In the past few years I've read and watch countless material about relationships, personalities, marriage and engagement. One thing I found is that there is no holy grail for how to make a relationship happen. There is not one thing that you can do that, leaving everything else as it is, will magically get you a perfect relationship. Reality is that everyone is different and the dynamics will be different in each relationship. So, if you like someone BE WITH THEM. You will have to discover them, and yourself, as you grow in the relationship with them. Communicate, if anything that is the holy grail. Feel secure enough to tell a person, "I don't like this" or, "this is how you hurt me" and know that, if the person loves you too, they will be open to talk it through.
5. Body image doesn't get your in a relationship faster: I know quite a lot of people that are NOT what our culture dictates as 'cute', and yet they are married, while others that are thin, dress well and are always looking like Hollywood stars and yet, are single. Being skinny and well-dressed does not make a difference in getting in a relationship. Neither being fat has anything to do with being single, needless to say. Body image only influences self-esteem.. so, if you are down because you are obese or too skinny, then do something about it. But, do not change your body image because you think you will find someone, because it doesn't work that way.
6. Higher education will always be there: I learned this one by trial and error. I wanted to join the military right out of High School but my mom wanted me to go to college. After a while I gave up and joined the Air Force, then I was happy about studying.... Higher education has been around for over 100 years, and it will continue to be there. Go out! travel, work and save money, invest, learn a trait... do you!! higher education will be there when you feel ready.
7. Alcohol is over-rated: Honestly, I've had more fun when I don't drink than when I used to drink. Not only because I don't end up having hang-overs the next day, but because I don't make a fool of myself... Besides, drinking for the buzz it is not that much fun. You can still have tons of fun without drinking.
8. Don't get involve with someone taken: This one I learned the hard way. I once got involve with a guy that had a girlfriend and it broke me. After she found out he put the blame only on me and it hurt. But it was a good thing because I discover how terrible of an idea that was. It was bad temptation with worse results. Besides, whomever does it with you, will do it to you. Do NOT get involved with someone taken, it will end badly.
9. All break-ups are bad: This is tough one, breaking up with someone is hard. No one wants to hurt, and reality is that whether you want to break up or not, it is going to hurt. Whether you've been with this person for a week, a month or a year... IT IS GOING TO HURT!! Don't be afraid to stay in an unhappy relationship for fear of hurting, or hurting the other person. You will both be unhappy anyways. Also, you are not responsible for someone's happiness, they are. DO NOT get further into a relationship (getting engage, having a kid, etc.) thinking that with it things will be different, because they will not be. I was once about to marry a man, whom I loved very much, just to make things better between us. We were having issues do to distance (which, BTW, long-distance relationships are NOT for everyone), and we thought that eloping was going to solve everything. Well.... glad I didn't, we would both be stuck on a horrible marriage. He wanted kids -I can't have kids. He wanted a stay-home mom -I am call to do other things. If things are not working on a relationship, GET OUT! (feel like I'm yelling a lot on this one... I just cannot stress enough how important it is to not be with someone you don't want to be with).
10. Most people don't stay in your life: I don't know if it's because globalization and the rhythm of our culture that it's constantly pulling people all over the place, but nowadays, most people don't stay in your life... specially in your 20's when you're everywhere just temporarily. I had a hard time with this one because I would invest a lot on people that would leave me after a year or two.. then be heart-broken for so long that I refused to let others know me for a while -wasted time, to then open up and repeat the story. Here's the key, just enjoy people while you can, but know that most people are not going to stay in your life forever.
11. Pretending to be someone else doesn't help you get what your heart desires: For 25 years I pretended to be en extrovert.. I was a social butterfly because all I ever wanted was to belong somewhere and be part of something. Needless to say, I still don't feel like I belong, but I was also very unhappy... until recently when I realized I am actually an introverted and need hours of being alone. Now, I do get together with people, I love people, but I can talk to someone and then be alone for days.. I have more energy to deal with life, my relationship with God is better and, though I still feel like I don't belong, I am okay with that and I am happy. Pretending to be someone you are not, just to feel accepted will leave you tired, empty and unhappy. Be you, and if someone (or the entire world) cannot handle it, then build your own little world. Although I can guarantee you, you will find many who line up with you when you are yourself.
12. Age is just a number: I wish I understood this when I was in my 20's. I said no to a lot of guys that had potential because they were younger than me. I dated a few guys that were over 20 years older than me, and they were WAY more immature that the younger guys. I've dated guys that are younger than me, and though it didn't work, they were certainly more mature than the older ones. Age is just a number. Also, age does not determines where you should be in life. If you are in your late 20's or in your 30's and you still in school, that is fine. If you are in your 40's and you don't have kids, that is perfectly fine! Age only tells you how long God has blessed you. Do not let age cut you short of what you still want to do.
I hope this helps someone. Sometimes people need to learn by their own mistakes, but reality is that life is cyclical, and we can learn from each other. Below there is a link for a video about this topic.
https://youtu.be/0SpIlqqVJVs
1. Sending Nudes is stupid: Let's face it, we all either send or are asked to send nudes at some point in our 20's. But actually going with that flow is stupid. For the first 3 seconds the person will think you're hot, then they will think you have no self-respect, and.. if they're smart, they will also think you have no respect for them. It works the other way around too. If someone send you a nude, you will go through the same thinking process. Not to mention that if the person saves the pictures and they get mad at you, and are vindictive, they are capable of publishing them to humiliate you. Although that is childish, a person that asks for nudes, or is okay receiving them, should not be trusted either way.
2. Pre-marital sex is useless: I used to have co-workers that would give me a hard time because I didn't wanted to have sex before marriage. Their argument was that I would not know if I was sexually compatible with the guy. Well... I have actually made that mistake and it really doesn't help. You see, what makes sex great is not how many tricks you know in bed, but how much you love the person, and if you love them you will marry them. Pre-marital sex also causes soul-ties, you can read about it in 1 Corinthians. Even for those that are not Christians, having a sex with a person attaches your soul to theirs. The problem with this is that, since it is more than likely not going to work, when you find someone you want to build a healthy relationship with, you will have issues doing so.
3. Getting pregnant to keep a relationship doesn't work: In Genesis there is Leah. Leah was married to Jacob, by force -not will, and she had 5 kids. Each time she thought, "with this child my husband will love me" (Genesis 30)... well, sadly not once Jacob loved her. Having a kid to hold a man, or getting a woman pregnant so she stays with you, does NOT works. You will just have one more mouth to feed and one person to take care of besides yourself, but by-yourself. The other person WILL leave you whenever they want to. It does not mean they don't care for the child, though they may not, but if they do not want to be with you, they just won't.
4. There is no holy grail for a perfect relationship: In the past few years I've read and watch countless material about relationships, personalities, marriage and engagement. One thing I found is that there is no holy grail for how to make a relationship happen. There is not one thing that you can do that, leaving everything else as it is, will magically get you a perfect relationship. Reality is that everyone is different and the dynamics will be different in each relationship. So, if you like someone BE WITH THEM. You will have to discover them, and yourself, as you grow in the relationship with them. Communicate, if anything that is the holy grail. Feel secure enough to tell a person, "I don't like this" or, "this is how you hurt me" and know that, if the person loves you too, they will be open to talk it through.
5. Body image doesn't get your in a relationship faster: I know quite a lot of people that are NOT what our culture dictates as 'cute', and yet they are married, while others that are thin, dress well and are always looking like Hollywood stars and yet, are single. Being skinny and well-dressed does not make a difference in getting in a relationship. Neither being fat has anything to do with being single, needless to say. Body image only influences self-esteem.. so, if you are down because you are obese or too skinny, then do something about it. But, do not change your body image because you think you will find someone, because it doesn't work that way.
6. Higher education will always be there: I learned this one by trial and error. I wanted to join the military right out of High School but my mom wanted me to go to college. After a while I gave up and joined the Air Force, then I was happy about studying.... Higher education has been around for over 100 years, and it will continue to be there. Go out! travel, work and save money, invest, learn a trait... do you!! higher education will be there when you feel ready.
7. Alcohol is over-rated: Honestly, I've had more fun when I don't drink than when I used to drink. Not only because I don't end up having hang-overs the next day, but because I don't make a fool of myself... Besides, drinking for the buzz it is not that much fun. You can still have tons of fun without drinking.
8. Don't get involve with someone taken: This one I learned the hard way. I once got involve with a guy that had a girlfriend and it broke me. After she found out he put the blame only on me and it hurt. But it was a good thing because I discover how terrible of an idea that was. It was bad temptation with worse results. Besides, whomever does it with you, will do it to you. Do NOT get involved with someone taken, it will end badly.
9. All break-ups are bad: This is tough one, breaking up with someone is hard. No one wants to hurt, and reality is that whether you want to break up or not, it is going to hurt. Whether you've been with this person for a week, a month or a year... IT IS GOING TO HURT!! Don't be afraid to stay in an unhappy relationship for fear of hurting, or hurting the other person. You will both be unhappy anyways. Also, you are not responsible for someone's happiness, they are. DO NOT get further into a relationship (getting engage, having a kid, etc.) thinking that with it things will be different, because they will not be. I was once about to marry a man, whom I loved very much, just to make things better between us. We were having issues do to distance (which, BTW, long-distance relationships are NOT for everyone), and we thought that eloping was going to solve everything. Well.... glad I didn't, we would both be stuck on a horrible marriage. He wanted kids -I can't have kids. He wanted a stay-home mom -I am call to do other things. If things are not working on a relationship, GET OUT! (feel like I'm yelling a lot on this one... I just cannot stress enough how important it is to not be with someone you don't want to be with).
10. Most people don't stay in your life: I don't know if it's because globalization and the rhythm of our culture that it's constantly pulling people all over the place, but nowadays, most people don't stay in your life... specially in your 20's when you're everywhere just temporarily. I had a hard time with this one because I would invest a lot on people that would leave me after a year or two.. then be heart-broken for so long that I refused to let others know me for a while -wasted time, to then open up and repeat the story. Here's the key, just enjoy people while you can, but know that most people are not going to stay in your life forever.
11. Pretending to be someone else doesn't help you get what your heart desires: For 25 years I pretended to be en extrovert.. I was a social butterfly because all I ever wanted was to belong somewhere and be part of something. Needless to say, I still don't feel like I belong, but I was also very unhappy... until recently when I realized I am actually an introverted and need hours of being alone. Now, I do get together with people, I love people, but I can talk to someone and then be alone for days.. I have more energy to deal with life, my relationship with God is better and, though I still feel like I don't belong, I am okay with that and I am happy. Pretending to be someone you are not, just to feel accepted will leave you tired, empty and unhappy. Be you, and if someone (or the entire world) cannot handle it, then build your own little world. Although I can guarantee you, you will find many who line up with you when you are yourself.
12. Age is just a number: I wish I understood this when I was in my 20's. I said no to a lot of guys that had potential because they were younger than me. I dated a few guys that were over 20 years older than me, and they were WAY more immature that the younger guys. I've dated guys that are younger than me, and though it didn't work, they were certainly more mature than the older ones. Age is just a number. Also, age does not determines where you should be in life. If you are in your late 20's or in your 30's and you still in school, that is fine. If you are in your 40's and you don't have kids, that is perfectly fine! Age only tells you how long God has blessed you. Do not let age cut you short of what you still want to do.
I hope this helps someone. Sometimes people need to learn by their own mistakes, but reality is that life is cyclical, and we can learn from each other. Below there is a link for a video about this topic.
https://youtu.be/0SpIlqqVJVs
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