God, we gotta talk about my wounds

During my trip to Europe I got to talk, a lot, with a lot of people. I love people, some days less than others, but love them nonetheless. While discussing past relationship experiences with the young lady that was my roommate, and wing-woman, she said something that blew my mind.

She said that we tend to hold on to past hurt like blankets because we think that by holding to the experience we will not make the same mistakes. In other words, we hold to the hurt like we do comfort blankets when we're scared. 

The problem is that experiences are like sunshines and rain, you could know they're coming but don't know exactly when, or which one it will be. By holding to the blanket of past hurt we are just missing out on the sun for fear of the rain, but when it comes we still get wet.

Let me say that again: when the rain comes, even if we are holding on to the blanket, we still get wet!!

That was me, for a long time... In fact, it wasn't till my last attempt at a relationship that I realized I was holding on to ALL of my past hurt. That's when truth hit me like a train: Guarding my heart too much not only fail to keep me from pain, but it succeeded at keeping me from joy.

Here's the thing, I didn't know what to do. How do I move on? How do I heal?

That’s it!! I am wounded. Either by what others did to me or by what I did to myself in my stubbornness and sin. So I went to the only place I know to go for answers, God's presence.

When I said 'God, we gotta talk about my wounds', with love and kindness God said "Yes, you need more healing". Heal-ING... It is a process not a one-time deal.

In March 2018, a pastor's wife gave me a key in a necklace with the word RESTORE in it. The instructions were simple, I am to wear that key, everyday, until I learn that I am not broken, but RESTORE(d).

Since then, and thus for 18 months, God has been teaching me a lot about restoration and resting in His presence. As it turns out, that is the secret to restoration, resting in God’s presence (Matthew 11:28, Exodus 33:14). I’ve learned so much about myself and God, that it really feels as if God hit reset and I’m learning everything all over again.

Two weeks ago, during a video conference, I was triggered about a past trauma and for the rest of that week I was an emotional mess. I thought, why? I used to asked that a lot. Then God told me, “I’m not bringing this up to hurt you again, but to heal it and use it”.

Two days ago, as I was in my internship, my last appointment was a 24 y/o female who was battling depression due to the same kind of trauma that I had just worked through. During the session I felt the Spirit telling me it was time to pass the key along.

It was time.

I got scared for a second because I didn’t felt fully healed. But I am. Not only I am, I need to start walking on that healing.

So, I did it. I passed the key along with the same instructions I was given. It was amazing to see her lit up and leave the office encouraged.

Not wearing that key everyday is my reminder that I am RESTORED. That I can let go of the comfort blanket and enjoy the rain when it comes because always, always, the sunshine follows.